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The Rest of Ms. Winspeed
By Sheri Bedford
It was Sunday. Ms. Winspeed had invited me over to her
lanai for tea. The purple and pink impatiens in her garden waved in the cool breeze off
the lake. We sat across a small, round table from each other, our blue and white teacups
poised in mid-air as we chatted.
" I was so grateful for your interest in my running career, dear," said
Ms. Winspeed, referring to our last interview.
" You know, running is one of the few sports that inspires us to think and
develop our own psyches as we exercise. We can actually change how we view ourselves and
our actions." She paused as she buttered a slice of warm raisin bread, and took a
small bite.
" When Ernie died, I felt so much sadness that it was like a physical wound. I
couldn’t sit still. It was as if the grief had to be let out somehow. I had to move.
I couldn’t just sit around and think these painful thoughts. I needed an activity to
allow myself to heal.Running provided me with the solution.
"I could keep moving and avoid the pain of remembering. As long as I was
running, I didn’t have to think, necessarily. I could wear myself out. Then the pain
wasn’t so bad.
"After running, I was too tired to analyze. I would come home, flop on the
couch and go to sleep. I continued that way for a long time. I got a lot of miles in every
week. For a lady of 60, I was doing what many 20 year olds couldn’t do or didn’t
need to do. Running for me back then in ‘95 was a need, and I pushed myself to the
limit.
After awhile, the memory of Ernie became more of a friend than a danger. I
didn’t have to run from it anymore. I remember Ernie saying to me, "Betsy,
you’re a strong woman-stronger than I am, kiddo. You can do anything you want ".
"He had said that during one of our deep talks. How I miss that man; he could
see into my inner self. Anyway, when he said that to me, I realized, he was right. No one
could hold me back. Age couldn’t hold me back. Only my own thoughts could prevent me
from achieving a goal."
"Were you working on goals for your career at the time of your talk with your
husband, Ms. Winspeed?" I asked timidly, for I didn’t want to pry too deeply.
"No, at the time, I was making a personal effort to overcome a challenge I had
always had about my self-image. I thought I was not good enough to do some of the things I
wanted to do. I can tell you more about that later." Betsy Winspeed smiled that sweet
apple smile of hers. Her eyes looked calm and wise.
" What I realized," she continued," when I remembered what Ernie had
said was that I was strong, I could accomplish what I set out to do, including remembering
Ernie with fondness, not with a disabling grief and pain that would prevent me from
receiving true rest. "
"Are we going to talk about resting this time?" I asked.
Ms. Winspeed nodded and gazed out at the lake and the waving trees. The breeze
ruffled her wispy whitish hair, and she curled a tendril around her finger,
smoothing it into place behind her ear.
"Rest," said Betsy Winspeed, "may be more important than
running."
"How do you figure?" My tea was now cold and I put it down, willing to
listen to this new idea from a woman who had run for only 4 years.
"Think about it. Running has no value unless you rest in between sessions. No
matter how great a distance runner you are; no matter how fit you are, running
doesn’t solve anything by itself.
"Sure, it can relieve mental stress and pain; it can make your heart go
faster; it can make those endorphin give you a feeling that everything is ok. But even if
you’re the most fit person on earth, you still need to rest.
"It is this repose that shows you what you learned by running. It is this
moment of thought and stillness that channels your goals for the future."
All of a sudden, Ms. Winspeed burst into a peel of laughter. Her hands flew to her
little chipmunk cheeks and she chuckled heartily.
" I sound like such a deep philosopher, don’t I ?"
"Gee, Ms. Winspeed, I always get a lot out of what you say. What’s so
funny? " I was mystified.
"Well, think about restait’s as the opposite of running, but it’s
not really a deep concept. It’s a valuable one, but I was just struck by the humor of
it. Think of this scenario."
"Do you have to set your alarm to get up at 5:30 am to rest ? Do you have to
set goals for resting ?
"Do you write on the calendar how many days you rested this week? How many
rest minutes or hours you logged ? Do you talk with your running friends about how you
achieved more strength by resting ?
" Do you put together a race for resting ? Or a track rest ? Do any of the
charities host rest relays ? She chuckled again.
"After running like a maniac for a year, I could at last see the value of
rest. It had a place in my running program. Rest was the soothing hand that actually
healed, not the constant activity of escape. It was the rest of confronting my thoughts
and feelings.
"After I realized that rest and honesty were just as valuable as movement and
escape, I felt renewed. I knew my Ernie was in his right place, and, at last, my mind and
emotions were in their right place, balanced. Running started me on the road to healing,
but rest gave me the balanced view of my life time to face my feelings and heal."
We sat still, then, listening to the birds and the wind in the trees. The small waves on
the lake made a soothing rushing sound. We thought. We rested.
© Copyright by Sheri Bedford 1999
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